Ice cream has been an important part of my life, and it still helps my family cope with the weight of daily stresses. I made a trip to the local grocery store over the weekend and found a sale on Breyers, a tried and true family favorite. I grabbed two containers of natural vanilla (because we can mix it with our own choice candy for our personalized flavoring), a mint chocolate chip, and coffee.
Last night, following the NCAA basketball game, I settled in to tangle with the evening news and some Breyer’s Coffee Ice Cream (personal favorite of mine). I can’t really say what it was that made me check the label. It may have been a flavor that was slightly off, or perhaps it was a different texture I noticed, or maybe it’s because the food industry keeps looking to make more money by screwing the consumer with “healthy” labeling that actually turns out to cause cancer, zombie outbreaks, or sharknadoes.
That’s right! My Breyer’s Ice Cream has gone to the dark side. I thought I was buying the good old ice cream of my youth only to find that I had been duped. What the hell is Frozen Dairy Dessert? And why is it in my freezer? I thought I was buying ice cream. It was time to dig deeper into this new dairy dessert item, because I could feel my stomach did not like this wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Upon closer inspection, frozen dairy dessert appears to have all the markings and labeling of ice cream. In fact, the pictures on the frozen dairy dessert carton look identical to the ice cream carton, but then I looked closer. The “All Natural Ice Cream” label I am accustomed to seeing has been replaced by “Quality since 1866.” Okay, I know one thing for sure, my definition of quality and the Food and Drug Adminstration’s definition of quality are two different things. School cafeterias serve “quality” food, and have you been in a school lunch line lately? In addition, I know frozen dairy dessert hasn’t been around since 1866.
I searched for the vanilla ice cream container my daughter had been licking clean before bed (Don’t judge, my girls care about not wasting their ice cream). I found it in the recycling and looked at the ingredients. Milk, cream, sugar, natural vanilla flavor. I grabbed the frozen dairy dessert container from the fridge. Corn syrup and High fructose corn syrup and monoglycerides and diglycerides.
Regardless of what the corn growers association says about corn syrup, it is not good for you, and to this day, I am a huge fan of explosions so I have heard of glycerine (add nitro for dynamite), which I assume is like glycerides. I mean, you only change one letter, and spell check recommended glycerine as the only replacement for glyceride, so it can’t be good for you if it is related in some way to an explosive compound, which by this time was eating its way into my intestines.
I searched on-line for others who had discovered this shell game by Breyers, and what I found was scary. This new concoction does NOT fall into accordance with the FDA’s product requirements for ice cream. Why did Breyers do this? Their spokesperson said, “People were telling us they wanted a smoother texture.” So… it’s our fault. Consumers wanted smoother texture. Frankly, I don’t buy that. How do you get smoother than ice cream? The spokesperson didn’t mention anything about how it is much cheaper, which I found all over the interwebs about how frozen dairy dessert ingredients reduce costs.
Basically, it costs less to produce (but costs consumers the same to purchase) and it is more harmful, but it is a “Quality” kind of harmful according to the label.
Frozen Dairy Dessert? More like Frozen Diarrhea Dessert! Which is exactly what I got out of the whole experience.