Hey Bud, Let’s Nip This Potato Problem

Posted: January 23, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Were you aware that potatoes in the store no longer can be used for elementary school science experiments? What is the world coming to these days? What will small children do for science projects? It will be mass chaos; parents will no longer have a quick fix for their little darlings. I know you have all seen this experiment. A potato with wooden skewers through it so that it rests with a portion in the water in a cup and a larger portion above the water. The “eyes” then grow little buds and soon stems and leaves. Little kids are amazed, and parents are praised by their children for their total awesomeness.

I recently watched a cute little girl share her insights about the state of our food in America. It is really criminal that large companies are adding chemicals to keep potatoes from growing “eyes,” and thus keeping parents from creating simple science experiments for school projects. (Cute girl and a sweet potato video)

The chemical is commonly known as “Budnip.” Funny, that was what my grandmother called it when she stopped my sister and me from fighting before we even started, a “Budnip.” If we didn’t heed her warning, we got a “Budwhip.” Those were the days, when brothers and sisters listened to their grandmothers and potatoes had eyes. I did not research this because it was on youtube, and everyone knows that the internet is totally true. Just ask my seventh graders. Besides, why would a cute little girl and her grandmother try to deceive the world. They aren’t the President or Congress. She would have definitely failed her elementary science class for lying on a science experiment, so I am going to believe her on this one.

Now, Budnip is not a topical chemical. It seeps into the potato, so that the entire thing is filled with Budnip. I guess that is just in case the “eyes” get smart and try to grow from deep inside of the potato. This does cause me a little concern, because if I eat too many potatoes, will it affect my eyes? I kind of need them. How else would I play Candy Krush?

Seriously, who cares if the potato in my pantry grows some buds? I searched the archives of the CDC, and I found something very interesting. Not a single human has been attacked and killed by a potato. Yes, potatoes do have a poison in them, and if you eat enough potatoes you could die. It is called glycoalkaloid poison, and it is found in the stems and leaves of the plant, and it can turn potatoes green if there is enough glycoalkaloid in them. So if you ever wondered why that french fry was green, I guess you know. I think you have to eat something like 30 potatoes every hour for 16 months to die from it. Well, that’s what one of my seventh graders read on the internet.

That is also the argument for this Budnip chemical. It would take so many potatoes to get too much of the Budnip in your system, that it isn’t a real threat. This Budnip also has a cool name, Chlorpropham. I guess the big question is this: if you want death by potato, do you want to get glycoalkaloid poisoning or do you want to get budnipped? I don’t want anybody nipping my buds, so keep your manmade chemical garbage out of my food. If potatoes are going to kill me, I want the mean green poison.

In all seriousness, what is wrong with people? Are you telling me that society needed potatoes that won’t grow buds in the pantry? That’s really what this all boils down to. When grandmas saw potatoes in the pantry that were growing buds, or eyes, she knew it was time to use them or they were going to spoil. I guess it was natures way of letting man know that the potatoes were about to expire and needed to be cut into fries or mashed for the steak on the grill. God is pretty smart to create a built in warning system for His almighty potato. It has always bothered me that our government allows companies to put strange “additives” into my food. The people who came up with a chemical to stop eyes from growing into buds on my potato are probably the same people who thought the anal glands of a beaver should be used to enhance the flavor of raspberry candies. (Read it on the internet, so it must be true.)

I want to go on the record and say I don’t want fertilizer in my sandwich, shellac in my sprinkles, or coal tar in red candy. Why do we have to add all this crap to our food? The answer is easy; we don’t spend time eating together. We want something easy and quick, and that means prepackaged and full of garbage. Read a food label some time. Today, most of the stuff on the shelf has too many things I can’t pronounce. I am guessing those long names are to cover up what it really is. Would you eat something that said “sheep secretions” on the packaging? Do you chew gum? I read that on the internet, too.

I am sure some of my information could possibly be incorrect… we are talking about the world-wide web, which when mixed with my brain can produce some interesting results. But I am pretty sure that too much of what may not be good for us is going into our food supply. Meals used to be prepared in the kitchen, and often they contained the local flavor of whatever was in season, in the garden, or in the jars from the year before. Families worked together to get the meal ready, they sat around the table together to eat, and they had kids so someone could clean up afterwards. That’s why my wife and I had children. We were sitting around after a meal and said to each other, “Wouldn’t it be great to have someone to clean up this great meal when we are done?” The rest is history.

I am surprised those people who were so turned off by the buds on potatoes actually eat them. Do they know that potatoes come from the ground? Do they understand how dirty the ground can be? The only budnip the world needs is that of a grandmother. Buy local, buy organic, grow your own, and prepare and eat meals together. If you want a healthy, happy family, that’s what you need to do. Well, that and have children because who wants to do dishes when you are in your thirties and fourties.

Disclaimer: No potatoes were harmed during the writing of this article, but the family plans to sit down together and cut some up for soup later this week. If you find any inaccuracies in this post, contact one of my seventh graders. They do all of my research.

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Comments
  1. Vicki says:

    Hmmm, must be a back-East thing. My AZ potatoes still get plenty of eyes – and that’s just from sitting in the bowl! Great post!

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